Dating in Charleston has quite the notable reputation of being a real pain in the ass, and a lot of us have seen it firsthand, whether you live here or not. From what you see on TV or social media, to personal experiences, to tales of Peter Pans frolicking around the city, we know all about it. But in the age of "situationships" and hookup culture galore, what makes this city stand out so much?
As I’ve recently transitioned from making being single my personality to being in a relationship my personality, I’ve spent time reflecting on Charleston dating as a whole and why exactly it can be so damn hard.
Let’s circle back to the idea of Peter Pans, the short and stereotypical answer to why dating in Charleston can be seemingly impossible. We’re going to dissect this further, though.
By usual definition in the dating world, a “Peter Pan” is a man who refuses to grow up, get their life together, and is basically socially immature. They just want to have fun. Charleston is full of them, and you can find one just about anywhere. But in my recent research, I’ve made a great discovery: we all can be Peter Pans, even women. Groundbreaking, I know.
You’ve heard the saying, “You are who you surround yourself with.” I believe that can be equally true for the environment you’re in. Charleston is a young, fun, and bright city. If it were to receive a senior superlative in high school, it would have gotten “life of the party.” Easily. But the problem lies in the slippery slope of the party never quite ends.
Breathing the air in Charleston just makes you feel young. I don’t know how else to describe it. So when you first move here, the mentality of doing it all, having fun, and taking the city by storm is contagious. But then it can quickly become second nature. And as someone who’s had a phobia of growing up for as long as I can remember, I fit right into it.
You find yourself more into keeping things casual than finding serious relationships because you’d rather hang out with your friends than go on dates. The people you do date are emotionally unavailable, so you become emotionally unavailable yourself. And you might not even realize you’re doing all of this, because it’s just what everyone is doing.
Falling into the Peter Pan mentality is like quicksand. It happens before you even know it. At first, you’re entering it by choice; you’re eager to explore a new place with new people. But by the time the excitement wears off, you look around and see how quickly you’ve gone under. The people who have been here for years still have the same mindset that they had when they were younger, and the same mindset that you had when you first moved here.
So the question is, how do you escape? How do you find someone outside of the two categories of new to Charleston and not wanting to settle down, or Peter Pan and not wanting to grow up?
I don’t have all of the answers because my Charleston dating batting average isn’t too impressive, but I do know this: The key is finding someone to meet you where you’re at in life, and vice versa. Accepting that you can’t change someone or force them to get it together just because they seem perfect on paper is a piece of knowledge that I wish I knew four years ago.
Dating, especially in Charleston, where people are constantly coming and going, can be a numbers game. Timing is crucial. You probably won’t find your Prince Charming on Hinge during your first match or out on King Street the day you decide to finally “take dating seriously.”
It’s trial and error, but the good ones are out there. They just might not find you until you’re the one who’s finally ready to grow up.
